What Almost Wasn't
by shinelrond
Summary: Elrond's not certain about maryying Celebrian....(oh, rating more go up depending on how steamy I want things to turn out:)
1. Default Chapter

Could it work? would we be right in doing so? Is it love or lust that drives us? Could we build our lives upon such a shaky foundation, in such times? So many questions and no one here for me to ask them of, no one to answer me.  
  
"I fear it because we are different…"  
  
"Hush melethron, I love it because we are one…"  
  
Oh, how her hushed voice quells my fears, how it seems to stop my heart from beating, my very essence from being…  
  
At times, when my world is nothing but the blood of others and the clashing of weapons and armor, the battle cries and screams of death and pain of my brothers, I feel her presence, next to me, steadying my hand, keeping insanity from my mind. But when my world is nothing but her, I am forced back to wondering.  
  
"What are you thinking of?"  
  
"Battles, how many will be lost…"  
  
These thoughts are not her burden, they do not corrupt the beauty of her mind but they rot mine day by day and hunt me in my sleep. We are different people and I wonder…  
  
"You were yelling…in your sleep…are you alright…?"  
  
"Fine, return to sleep, my Lady."  
  
How many times had I awoken from those shadows in my dreams to her comforting touch and forced her away? Told her to go back to her room, to sleep because I was fine when really I wanted to yell out to the world and tell her that I was afraid. Afraid of taking her down with me, afraid that, when my mind snapped, she, being bound to it, would snap with me. Afraid of breaking the one thing I still had left to take comfort in and love…  
  
"Tell me of your family…"  
  
"There is much to tell but I do not wish to say anything…"  
  
Family, yet another division. The family that I have left lies in men and far distant relations. Galadriel is my kin but to far to be considered anything more than an ally. My mortal relations, though they still bear a painful resemblance to my brother, are those that are letting the realm of Gondor fall. My family is lost on middle earth.  
  
But her family is still here, still loving her and caring for her…protecting her.  
  
"Never mind father, he is merely-."  
  
"Protecting his little girl…"  
  
That is why her father has a hate for me beyond reason. I am a threat to her and he knows it. Not because I might be the first to lover her body but because, in loving her soul, I could corrupt her. He sees it clearly in my eyes, that I am close to failing and letting go from the place where my mind holds sway and allowing my spirit to consume me.  
  
"Mind yourself, half-elven, your noble lineage does not spare you from the world's wrath."  
  
I do not know if his harsh tone is better or worse than Galadriel's cold one.  
  
"You are destined to be great, measured so among men and elves, do not allow that to be broken. Do not shy from her heart…"  
  
But I know she is trying to protect me as well only…it has been so long since anyone sought to protect me and succeeded without they, themselves, being lost in the process. I remember his whispers to me in the night when I was younger, calming me.  
  
"It's alright little one, you are safe, you are alright…."  
  
"I am alone, Ereinion."  
  
"Then let us be alone together."  
  
His laughter was always contagious and it was hard to be sad around him, hard not to see the brighter parts of this dark world. I felt after his death that I would never find that again. I didn't need to, there she was. But I'm still afraid, that she will be lost just as he was and then what? Would it drive me to death? Perhaps…  
  
"I'm a dangerous one to be around…"  
  
"I'll take my chances…"  
  
But she doesn't seem to care about what will come, only about what is now. She will run through the forests of her home dragging me along without care of what lies within them, only that I am there and she is with me. Again, we are different. I cannot seem to simply enjoy the fact that she is with me, there is always some pre-occupation.  
  
"Come and walk with me."  
  
"I cannot, battles need plans."  
  
"They are acts of madness, let them play out as such." I smile as she does and allow myself to be led from my study in my own flet. I watch her go about her home land, a radiant silver star in the night and I'm reminded of my father's star, another pre-occupation.  
  
"The mariner's star…do you seek it often?"  
  
"Whenever I can, when it is visible through the clouds and the tree tops." There's that smile again…  
  
"Come with me." She takes my hand and I am led through much forest to another flet. When our little journey ends, we are at the very top branch, and my father's star is clearly visible.  
  
"Now, tell me of your family." I would say no once more but the feeling of calm that I receive when with her has come over me and should she ask me to jump from that branch, I would do so.  
  
"Father went before I chose the immortal life, so very long ago…" I talk long into the night but she doesn't seem to mind and I find that she has curled up by my side when I am done…somehow, I am unable to keep my arm from slipping about her as I gaze up at the sky again.  
  
Melethron-Male lover  
  
Another little idea I had(be afraid). What if Elrond was afriad to marry Celebrian because he wasn't sure about himself…Crazy little idea but I wanna go with this. This will probably only be continued with the coming of reviews, so review please! 


	2. walking away

"I love you…" Those words seem so easy for her to speak. Not so for me though, even though I feel what I cannot say. Each time she speaks those words to me and I cannot return them, she seems so saddened even when she says nothing more and gives no outward sign, I know I've hurt her.  
  
"Why do you not come more often?"  
  
"Business…." A good liar I am not but what could I tell her truthfully? 'I am afraid I will hurt you so I stray from your presence as much as possible in hopes that another will claim your heart.' But that to is a lie. I am in love with you, and I wish no other to hold your heart but I, wish no other to caress your lips with their own but I, wish no other to have your mind, soul and flesh but I…  
  
"Just stay a moment longer."  
  
"If you truly desire it, I shall."  
  
"I do…"  
  
That is why I cannot stand leaving her…coming back to her. That is why whenever she asks me to stay, I say I will. So then why is it that I cannot say I will stay forever? Maybe I am a coward.  
  
"Do you love me?"  
  
Hmm, I recall that exact moment when she asked me, I stared at her blankly for a while, completely caught off guard by her question. I felt horrible at not answering her even though she smiled the next and continued to grip my hand tightly. Maybe she was afraid I'd leave her and break her heart. I wish I could've told her I wouldn't, that I wouldn't say I loved her because I was just afraid….  
  
"Do you fear battle?"  
  
"Not really, I fear loosing some…but I fear many other things more so…"  
  
"Such as?"  
  
"It would sound foolish to you…"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because my fears are of you…" She wraps her arms about my shoulder and kisses my cheek. Her clear eyes are attempting to see what I am thinking, like her mother can, but she does not succeed.  
  
"You fear me?"  
  
"I fear…pay no heed, I should not have spoken." I came so close, I truly am a coward. She pauses, still looking at me and that sagely look of her mother's comes across her face.  
  
"I am in the position to hurt you as well, meleth nín…" with that, she leaves me and I am amazed. She needs not her mother's gift of seeing, she knows me so well…  
  
I asked it of the Lord of the Golden wood that very night, asked of him his blessing. I expected his wrath, his angered words but they did not come.  
  
"I trust her to none…I make no exception to you, Lord of Imladris."  
  
I thought then that it would no happen, that he would give me nothing close to what I wanted…and why should he? Did he see the same things in our future that I did? Maybe he would be able to make the choice that I couldn't…I love her to much to let her slip to another…even if I break her…I need her….  
  
"She is my only…tell me that you would give the Silmarils for her and I still would not be convinced. What demons do you hide and what would they do to her?"  
  
His eyes are cold towards me but they show compassion rather than anger and I feel as though he is as afraid for my life as he is for his daughter's. I sigh and look away, walk away…I don't want to hurt her…maybe it will be easier to say that it was the will of the father that drove us apart rather than my cowardice. Maybe it will be easier to look her in the eyes and say that he said no…  
  
  
  
"No, I love you, we cannot allow this to part us…"  
  
She is in my arms, her head resting upon my shoulder…dangerously close and yet I stroke her hair in comfort and whisper to her soothingly…because I now realize that, no matter what I do…I will end up hurting her. I will be the cause of the tears in her eyes.  
  
"I will not go against your father."  
  
"I will…"  
  
A soft kiss upon lips that wish it and wish to push it away…and then there is hunger and I cannot pull from her to save my own life…or hers. Her hand trails from my face to my neck to my chest, feeling the quickening pulse as I wrap an arm about her waist and pull her closer. When she finally breaks from me, the drying tears upon her face sparkle as surely as her smiling eyes do.  
  
"Marriage in secret…I will be yours if you will be mine…"  
  
"Without any others knowing? I know not If I could do it…our families deserve more than that."  
  
I can't believe the look in her eyes as I turn from her and walk away. The tears return and I want to run from her and go back to her all in one instance and then there is a clear realization. I am not a coward anymore, I do not hide from her anymore. I am walking away and I know that she can see my back clearly as I do so. I know that she will watch me leave her and though she will cry, she will overcome it….I just wish I knew if I would.  
  
'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~ '~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'~'  
  
Sorry for the long time updating, thank you for the support and keep up the reviews:) they are very welcome… 


End file.
